Final Draft

Celebrity Death: Why Does It Hurt So Much?

I’ll never forget the day Kobe Bryant died. I’ll never forget where I was. I’ll never forget how I felt. I got a text that read, “Kobe is dead.” The night before, LeBron James had just surpassed Kobe on the all-time list of most points scored by an NBA player. I thought the text meant that Kobe was dead in the sense that he was no longer part of the GOAT (greatest of all time) debate, so I thought nothing of it. Then countless celebrities on twitter praying the rumours weren’t true. I couldn’t believe the news. Everyone’s fears became a reality when Adrian Wojnarowski, senior reporter for ESPN and NBA insider confirmed that Kobe Bryant, along with his daughter Gianna had passed away. I was overcome by a rush of emotions that I had trouble understanding. For the following week, I felt like something was missing in my life, but I couldn’t understand why. I’ve always been a Kobe fan, but obviously I never knew him personally. He retired from the NBA in 2016, so he isn’t playing anymore, which is why I couldn’t quite figure out why I felt like his death left what felt like a gaping hole in my life. For a while after I didn’t feel like talking to anyone about the whole situation because it genuinely hurt to think about. When somebody brought it up and I tried to shut down the conversation, I was asked, “why do you care so much, it’s not like you knew him?” So I wondered. Why did I care? It didn’t make sense to me that I was so sad about the death of one of my favourite basketball players that I had never even met. I am not a person that is very in touch with my emotions. I don’t really feel sad about many things and I have yet to truly experience the death of a loved one so I had nothing to compare what I was feeling to. This was my first experience with grief.

In order to avoid being consumed by grief, one must be able to express their grief. Grief is something that most people experience at one moment or another, but very few understand. It is hard to truly understand grief because how it is experienced varies from person to person. Julia Samuel, author of “Grief Works: Stories of Life, Death and Surviving,” works with grieving families and put it very well when she said, “there is no right or wrong in grief; we need to accept whatever form it takes, both in ourselves and in others.” I think that this quote applies very well to the Kobe situation because of the extensive amounts of negative messages directed at people grieving publicly online. Many fans took to social media as an outlet for the expression of their grief. I came across countless messages implying that people had no reason to feel sad because they didn’t know Kobe personally. Those particular messages struck me because upon reading them I could almost hear the person who told me the same thing. Some even tried to tarnish his legacy through their comments that were so offensive that they leave you feeling nauseous. Imagine if a family member you cherish and look up to dies, leaving you feeling empty and sick. Many people felt this way about the death of Kobe, and many of these people took to social media as an outlet for the expression of their grief. I came across countless messages implying that people had no reason to feel sad because they didn’t know Kobe personally. Some might choose to grieve alone, but many people seek a sense of community to get through their trauma, and many people find that online. Kaplan addressed this in the same interview for Huffington Post when he said that “we are social creatures, we are meant to be with other people when we face adversity.” Seeking a sense of community and expressing your grief can be incredibly important steps in someone’s grieving process. According to Sobonfu Some, a very important voice of African spirituality; “Communal grieving offers something that we cannot get when we grieve by ourselves. Through acknowledgement, validation and witnessing, communal grieving allows us to experience a level of healing that is deeply and profoundly freeing.” I previously mentioned accepting any form grief takes, and being tolerant of others in a time of grieving. According to the Center for Grief Recovery and Therapeutic Services in Chicago, our grief can take many forms based on different factors, notably “our religious, cultural/ethnic backgrounds.”

Today’s western culture is obsessed with social media and celebrities. In this age of social media, we can follow the daily lives of our favourite celebrities, which leads to a feeling of knowing them personally. David Kaplan, chief professional officer of the American Counseling Association explained it as if the celebrities we follow become like extended members of our families in an interview with Huffington Post. “We grow up with these people,” he said, and by keeping up with what they’re doing on a regular basis, we feel like we get to know them and “in a sense, they become a member of our family—especially the ones we really like.” Needless to say, this feeling of knowing them leads to very strong emotions when they pass away. In the same interview, Kaplan speculates that the death of a loved celebrity triggers such strong emotions because it “reminds us of our own mortality.” This is very interesting because it goes to show that celebrities have become more than just their sport, and larger than life almost. We see these people as untouchable superhuman and it affects us when we realize they can suffer too. 

Why exactly do we look up to these people? Athletes are role models for many, but why would you look up to someone who just plays sports for a living? Malcolm Lemmons, a former professional athlete and author believes that we choose athletes to be our role models because “athletes inspire us to do more, to live our best life and to go after what your heart desires.” Through incredible amounts of hard work and sacrifice, athletes achieve their dreams. This shows us that we can also push ourselves and strive for what greatness means to you. Most importantly, when athletes overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles and come out on top, they remind us that anything is possible. This is important because quite often, people see themselves as the underdog. Kobe Bryant is a perfect example of an athlete and role model. He is without a doubt one of the best to ever play the sport of basketball, and his impact on the basketball community was almost immeasurable. He was considered a true student of the sport of basketball thanks to his undying dedication to mastering his craft. Kobe Bryant was a true inspiration to many, including those outside of the basketball community.

In fact, seeing the true reach of Kobe’s influence was one of the most surprising outcomes of his passing. So many people who didn’t follow basketball felt hurt. I had a conversation with my teacher about this subject, and he mentioned he cried when he heard the news, even though he doesn’t watch basketball. This made me realize that Kobe’s influence reached much further than just the basketball community. Maybe we look up to celebrities without even knowing it, or maybe it takes less than we expected to experience grief. All in all, grief is a long and very complicated process. It is important to push through grief and deal with it in your own way. In the words of the great Kobe Bryant, “pain doesn’t tell you when you ought to stop. Pain is the little voice in your head that tries to hold you back because it knows if you continue you will change.” Remember that next time you feel as if grief will consume you.